Jealousy Is A Bad Bad Thing
I know, jealousy is a bad bad thing but right now I’m jealous. I’m jealous of my husband. I’m jealous that he gets to escape and go on nights out in cities and to the gym with no notice or prior arrangements. I’m jealous that this year he has already been to Barcelona and Ibiza without me or the children. I’m jealous that he will get uninterrupted sleep tonight (ok maybe not much sleep but no kids that’s for sure) and that I will end up with LissyLou in my bed again. All these things are petty, he works exceedingly hard and is the breadwinner and all that but it doesn’t stop me being jealous.
But the thing that makes me most jealous today is his new car. He gets to drive around in a sparkly, beautiful Mini whilst I get the big family car. Worse still is that I’ve wanted a Mini since I learned to drive in one. I’ve lusted after one, yearned for one and decided that when I had enough money I would buy one. I have dreamed of having a nippy little run around and not the ‘bus’ a we describe the big car.
After a quick trip in his today I realise that with two small children a Mini really isn’t big enough for me but it doesn’t stop me from being irrationally jealous. Jealousy is a bad bad thing, it burns in my chest like heartburn, it eats away at my soul and makes me feel rotten. I know it will fade and something will make me forget all about the jealousy and the dark dark place I am in right now but I am jealous and right now it’s all I can focus on! I’ve been on the verge of tears for half the day and felt so resentful of his new car yet he has said I can use it on weekends and evenings if he doesn’t need it and he hasn’t bought it to make me jealous but I can’t help feeling left out. I’m not even sure what I’m most jealous of, him for having something so nice and shiny or the actual car…….
So for tonight I am having a glass of wine and a grump, tomorrow maybe I’ll feel better, maybe the jealousy won’t be as bad, maybe.
Does being jealous make me a bad person?